the Makcik yar.

undefined, authentically original eh.

I've decided to move to another blog.

I realised I've lost direction of the purpose of why I started this blog in the first place.
I started off with the intention of writing for myself, and my close friends. It wasn't meant to be shared so freely. But I guess along the way, I got caught up with the whole lets-blog-for-the-whole-world trend going on.

I enjoy blogging actually. I don't mind people reading about my thoughts and emotions or else, why would I even start a blog in the first place? But I think my thoughts and emotions are starting to get out of hand now. I don't exercise as much hesitance or consideration anymore when I publish something. I'd want to be able to do things more freely. Write about how I really feel more freely, without having to worry about people's perceptions of me. (sorry, but I'm just a human after all. I do care about what people think.)

So, I'm moving. =)
But this blog will stay, cause there's just too many eventful entries which I'd love to read again now and then.
Things which would remind me why I'm the way I am in the future.

Regarding my new blog, ask if you want to know.

Take care. =D

It's only been less than 6 hours, but tears has already been shed...

Have you ever felt like you could go on missing someone every single second of your life?
Have you ever felt so much emptiness, you feel like you're on your own on this Earth?
Have you ever not felt like going home, but suddenly yearn so much to just reach within the safe walls of your home?

I felt all that just now.
Call me emo.
Call me freak.
I just miss my family.

I didn't cry when Mama hugged me goodbye, didn't kiss Huda enough,
just waved them goodbye with a smile on my face.
And I hope they remember me that way, just as how I'll remember them smiling in excitement as they walked through the departure gate...

I remember how I used to dread coming home on some days, not ready to face the noise at home, the drama and things that could leave you mad for hours.
But now, there's nothing I would love more than to see Mama in the kitchen, Papa on his chair, watching online dramas, and Huda annoying me like crazy...

God, how I miss them.
And it's only been a day.
Let the countdown begin.

6 more days till I'm a happier woman.

I've been so sensitive lately. Too easily affected by little things.
I cried after reading Rooftop Rant by Hlovate today.
Been so long since I last cried just from reading a book.
And Hlovate's books works wonders with me. They always managed to touch a raw nerve in me. Make something inside tick. Make me feel like I've been a bad Muslim...

Things that didn't kill you just makes you stronger...
As Hemingway puts it,
Life breaks us all, but in the end we're stronger in all the broken places...

To live well or to live hell,
I CHOOSE.

Rasulullah bersabda, yang diriwayatkan oleh Imam Bukhari: "Dan jika kalian meminta kepada Allah, maka mintalah syurga Firdaus, sebab ia adalah syurga yang paling tinggi."

Impian adalah titik mula gerak langkah kita, kesungguhan dan keyakinanmu bakal menentukan titik akhirnya.

With that, I wish....
For a place in Firdaus.
For Mama and Papa to be loved by Allah always.
For the best on Earth and the life hereafter...
Insya-Allah.

Allah protects those spreading Love through His Glory.
Where are those who love one another through My glory? Today I shall give them a shade in My shade, it being a day when there is no shade but My shade.
(Related by Al-Bukhari and Malik)

Will You Hate Me?

Smile in the two- way mirror of my eyes
I put on my faith like I wear a disguise
You can’t see my soul
See the life that I live
Show you the mask of the best I can give
I’ve hid here afraid like a child behind.
Truth of my thoughts that clutter my mind.
What if you knew about all that I do?
Things that I think,
The me that is true.

Would you call me a hypocrite?
Call me a liar?
Would you curse out my name?
Would you damn me to fire?
Would you know what to say?
Or would you just walk away?
Afraid the me I’ve tried to hide
Would too closely resemble the truth of you that lies inside?

I’ve been looking for answers since becoming an adult
Not looking for dogma to live like a cult
I’ve been looking to live,
I’ve been living to find
Freedom from cages that limit my mind.

Would you call me a hypocrite?
Call me a liar?
Would you curse out my name?
Would you damn me to fire?
Would you know what to say?
Or would you just walk away?
Afraid the me I’ve tried to hide
Would too closely resemble the truth of you that lies inside?

Will I scare you, upset you, frustrate you, irate you?
Challenge a lifestyle or weaken your trust
Or will you see my efforts and my passionate sincerity
Would you see just a little of yourself in me
Will you take off your mask so we can both be free.

Would you call me a hypocrite?
Call me a liar?
Would you curse out my name?
Would you damn me to fire?
Would you know what to say?
Or would you just walk away?
Afraid the me I’ve tried to hide
Would too closely resemble the truth of you that lies inside?

Masya-Allah. Beautiful. By Dawud Wharnsby Ali.

It's already past 123rd post! =)

Okay, this week has been a weird studying week.
Been going back to school since Monday for COMPULSORY STAR program which the teacher-in-charge claims to be strongly encouraged, by the way. Uhuh.

Look at the difference between our mindsets.

Anws, I don't think it's that bad lah. Cause I've been quite productive I guess. But I still think home is a better place. Even with all the crazy noise going on and all. Plus at least I wouldn't be abstained from food. But then again, at least I wouldn't blow up at the rate I would have had blown up if I'd stayed at home? Opportunity costs. =)

I know this is super childish, but I'm addicted to the Hannah Montana's Hoedown Throwdown song. I'm learning the dance steps. Laugh all you want. But I'm the one getting the laugh out of it plus at least maintain some form of exercise. Hehs.



And I've been keeping shut about this for some time now.
Guess all I did was run away from reality.
But I need to let this out now.
So I'll stop brooding over it real soon.
Get on with life.
Get away from us...

Well, it was my fault to begin with.
I neglected first.
Then I lost her.
To a point where even though we both tried and are still trying, it's impossible for us to mend things, to get back to the times we both shared.
Everything's just...over.
I guess we both found new people in our lives.
And though I miss her like hell at times,
I know I have to let go, cause she's happier this way.
She's happier with another...friend.

It's sad really.
And though sometimes my heart yearns so much to tell her things, share with her some things I know only she can understand best, something just stops me from going on.
From sharing things with her the way I used to...
Like I said, it's already at the point of no return.
The only way to be optimistic about is, at least we didn't end on a bad note.
And we're still friends and all...
But,
nothing's going to be the same ever again.
I love you.

I ought to sleep now.
Going out with the rest tomorrow to study.
Make it a productive session, fathin.
Please don't regret and procrastinate all over again.
Please!
And yesterday was such a weird dream! I dreamt about Pkck Superman.
Plus some other people.
It was so bizzare.
And just...weird.
Okay only I talk to myself.
Boo.

Just now was a good dinner.
Saved cost by half and I had fun.
I shall irritate them with the hoedown throwdown tomorrow.
Haha!

Ya Allah, I missed you.
Like heck.
Make me come back.
Love me again.
Please.

Keep me strong.
Cause that's the only way to keep me going.

Say "HELLO, PRELIMS!"

Blogging can wait.
Should wait.
Must wait.

ALL THE BEST! To anyone fighting the war of EXAAAAAAMS.

Okay byeeee.

And here's something to share with my fellow Muslims,

"Barangsiapa membaca Al-Quran dan mengamalkan isinya, maka pada hari Kiamat kelak ibu bapanya akan dipakaikan Allah mahkota. Cahaya mahkota itu lebih terang dari sinar matahari di dunia. Jadi pahala apakah agaknya yang akan dikurniakan pada orang yang membacanya?"
(Daripada Muaz Bin Annas)

And sorry, I'm bad at translating. =/

Recital lessons with Ustaz Batisah is getting better. I stopped being so distracted. Alhamdulillah.

Okay, STUDY HARD! =D

I lost half a shoe!
So saaad. =/
And its relatively new.
And its my court shoes.
How to play floorball now?
Dejected/crestfallen/sad, more emo and drama. Haha.

Thanks Starsky and Abel for accompanying me backtrack to look for that one smelly but dearest shoe of mine. =D

This week has been both a fulfilling yet slack week.
Played hard, but studied hard too.
But I don't really like managing my time this way.
I'm afraid I'll lose my focus.
So after tomorrow, it'll be an all studying week! No more slacking please!

Elia, I'm no longer SOMBONG right? Hehe.
And basketball is cool.
Sad we lost to Hwa Chong.
But good effort on the guys basketball team. =)
Still, Floorball's cooler. =D

This was a random but NOT redundant post.
Cause at least now I've updated.
OKay you can try my quiz on Facebook if you're bored. =)

Any idea how it feels like to be cut off from the outside world?
Ask me.
Cause my phone just got confiscated last night.
My outgoing minutes! Arghh.
And all for someone who doesn't even know how to appreciate me as a friend. Ouch.

Seriously, I have no idea why I'm still holding on to a relationship which doesn't even exist at times. I'm a fool who thinks everything will always stay the same. Who never learns from past experiences that people do change. Sabar, sabar, PATIENCE is the key.





I miss these people.
My ZOO class.
Couldn't meet and join them after so long for the MAAN play yesterday cause I was sick. And Mama didn't let me go.
Saaaaad but it was Mother's Day after all. =p
Hope they had fuuuuun.
And hope I'll finally finally be able to join them for outings. Pleaaaaaseeeee!


And and and I'm really really reaaaallyyyyyy starting to miss FLOORBALL badly.
I'm sad yet relieved yet disappointed that season's over.
Cause at least I can now really start focusing on studies, but at the same time...
All those late trainings, Saturday trainings at school or Valhall, friendlies, eating together after every training, and most of all, the GIRLS.
God, I'm going to miss them like heck. =( =( =(
And the guys.
Floorball created friendships between us strangers, we were united by a common goal, will it now all be gone for naught?
Or...will the bonds still remain strong between us all?
Guys or girls, they're all part of the IJ TEAM now.
Part of the reason why floorball will always remain an integral part of my heart.
Argh, I really really love the team. =/

i don't gossip btw.

and you shouldn't too! =D

fellow pakciks & makciks

click if you don't believe.