unearthed.

posted : Tuesday, April 29, 2008

title : worst day.

I BROKE DOWN TODAY.

After coming near to 5 months of being so laid-back and relax about everything, I finally felt the surmounting stress of being a JC student. I know my reaction is super slow lahh. But really, I've never felt that much pressure, I was coping quite well all these months. Suddenly though, today, I think my brain just kinda snapped. mcm betul je si fathin ni. haiya!

I don't know what happened. It just kinda came along while discussing GPP with my groupmates. It finally dawned upon me that PW was not just any project work. It's one of my A Level's subjects, for heaven's sake! I'll be graded and the grade is going to determine my placing in a university somehow. And I realised I desperately want to make it into a local university. And not just any course mind you. Because finally too, I've realised what I want to be when I grow up. Sad isn't it? slo0o0ww man...

I also realised I WANT and I NEED to get through my promos. I desperately want to finish A's quickly and just finally, do well. Exceptionally well.

I guess today was just an exceptionally exhausting, energy-wrenching, brain-absorbing day for me. I had my FIRST morning run for floorball today. 2km only. But still! I had to wake up super early lah! Following that, two econs tests. Straight. With that measly half an hour break in between. I definitely screwed up my case study becuase my eyes were so heavy they were shutting every now and then. I could do the last question which was worth 10 marks, but DUH, time-constraint beacuse time was UP. Gahhs. Essay was seriously manageable but I wasn't thinking hard enough. So there goes one subject, and there goes my record of passing every test so far. bleghs. =/

History lecture was ONE HOUR PLUS ANOTHER 30 MINUTES. Surprisingly though, my attention span was long enough for this because I lasted through the whole lecture! woah. history you know. =)

PW was all the way "we're getting there guys! we can finally complete this!" Then KABO0OM! Everything is no longer significant enough, not impactful enough, and so came the "let's rethink this and do this all over again". ARGH! But I'm seriously thankful enough for my group. They're like one of the best group you can get lah. I love you guys no matter how much we've been digressing from the topic and collecting so many sins yeah! o0ops. haha! =p

But we had Taurus meeting. And we wasted one whole hour of our precious PW meeting time just to learn one cheer. An I was so irritated at myself and everyone else at this point of time, I just started to break down. Like in school. Masya-Allah.

Had relay practice after that and I'll seriously cry if I mess up my team's timing tomorrow.

Went home late. Again. I was practically the only one left since the rest of the class were already making their way home, so I rushed and practically ran to catch up with them. Only after I got to Causeway Point, did I realise that I actually left my pencil class and PW NOTEBOOK in school! AAAHHHH!!! I'm lucky it's like one of my substitute pencil case, just some insignificant one that I got as a freebie. Luckily it's not my main, BIG, FAVOURITE, WHITE BODYGLOVE pencil case. Alhamdulillah. But. My favourite RED PENCIL is in there. My beautiful, colourful markers are all in there and my POST-ITs!!! I'm actually unsure if I've thrown away all those small conversations I had with my beautiful girlfriends. *gulps*

Got home at what? 9 ??!! Then I suddenly started bursting into tears in the room. I owe Kak Mal gazillion hugs lah. She was comforting me the whole way through while I was sobbing incessantly and uncontrollably the whole half an hour. Then cried some more while hugging Mama. Mums just have that effect, don't they? They make you cry even more somehow when all you want was consolation. Sheesh. Thanks kakakku. I love you. Mama, obviously you're the one I love most. =)

So while crying my heart out to kakak, I realised how much I've been missing on in life. I've realised how much I've been neglecting and putting off things, thinking there'll never be an end to tomorrows. Thinking I've got all the time in the world, when really, you'll never when your time is up.

I really really miss my dearest best friend of 10 years now.
MISS NUR DIYANAH SAMANI.
I've not been spending time with her at all, I've been an extremely lousy friend, one of the worst you can ever get since we've not talked on the phone for ages because of ME. I haven't been there for her at all, I haven't been listening to her. God, I don't even know what's going on in her life now. I really really miss her antics lah. Her extremely cheerful self. It's amazing how she touches people's lives just by talking. It might be gibberish to you, but really, you wouldn't stop smilling either. She's that special, my best friend. I want her now! =/

Plus I miss all my wonderful, beautiful secondary school mates, whom I've not met for four decades now. Haiya. 5 MONTHS lah.

I miss talking to that super mak-nenek Izzati, who makes my jokes seems funny instead of lame. Whom never cease to give wonderful advices on life and people. Who easily wells up on small little things. But she's one fierce, loyal friend. One whose loyalty goes beyond wonders. I miss you zati-ku. =(

I miss being buddies with my dearest enab, whose real name is actually really beautiful. Kan SITI NAFISAH BTE ALIAS? =D I'm so glad I gave her that GLAMAROUS nickname which is now stuck to her. Hahs! She's really the quiet one in the group, but when she starts talking, you'll be completely woah-ed beacuse she has this really cool husky voice which is really distinct and stands out. She's one super good friend too because she's practically the only one with no karenahs or perangais with her no-frill self. Attentive listener pulak tu! Haiya nab, I miss talking to you. =/

Then there's still SITI FIZZAH BTE ROSLAN, who looks so kurus like she can be broken into two by me. Haha! But she's so lame! Plus she'll just crap along with you no matter how nonsensical you can get. She has a super kind heart, but she just loves cats too much. Haiyaaa. seram tau! Plus she's one super good friend of mine as well. And I miss her! ARGH!

MUHAMMAD AMIRUL MUKMININ! The pakcik who is more like a MAKCIK. My closest guy friend of 4 years. My confidante, one of the most trusted person. Th super talented guy who can play instruments, and create amazingly beautiful artpieces. Sometimes when he's really in the mood, he'll just keep smilling on and on, you'll actually wonder if the face's not tired. Hehs. Truly, he's one of the best friend anyone can ever get.

FIRQIN BTE SUMARTONO. The beauty with the brains, and everything else you can think of plus a powerful tigress. Don't ever underestimate her uh. She's like one of the strongest and most determined person you can ever meet. Brave, and truly stands on her own principles. Laugh a very weird laugh, you'll instantly recognise it. Hehs. I miss being her partner. I miss her as my confidante. I miss those prelim period. =/

NUR LIYANA BTE SHAFIE. There's no way I can ever forgive myself for throwing away our friendship with just one mistake. If I could turn back time, I would have hold on to you, hold on to our friendship, because truly, you've been one the greatest friend ever lived. Anyone can testify to that. One of the funniest and most selambe girls anyone can ever encounter lahh. You're my Singapore Next Top Model, so keep on shining pretty one. =)

GAZALI. Pakcik whom I've never regretted getting close to. He's so optimistic, always laughing, smilling despite everything else deep inside. He's one super secretive guy when it comes to himself and he's ALWAYS putting others before himself. I have no idea why. He's so understanding, sometimes you'll wonder if he's even human. He's like one of the best best guy friend a girl can have lahh. Zali! Le's all go out soon! =/

MUHAMMAD FIRDAUS BIN ISMAIL. The SUPERMAN whom instead of rescuing, goes around bullying. Sheesh. On the contrary though, he's a super good friend as well. One who is always pulling his friends to the right path, correcting them in every possible way. Super lame usually, but nonetheless, one of the best guy friends as well. And I really miss talking to him! Gahhs. =(

I miss all of you my friends. And you guys will always hold a special place in my heart irregardless of how much we've drifted apart. I truly appreciate your presence in my life, no matter how short it has been. May Allah bless all of you always. =)

SHEENA LIM EN HUI and LIN XILIN! Of course I miss you guys. My darling partners who will always have a special place in my heart as well. I shall dedicate a post specially for you guys soon. =)

DONE.

Oh, I really love this new song that I've put up.
LEAVE OUT ALL THE REST by LINKIN' PARK.
nice.
shiok.
i love. =)

So my eyes are swollen to the size of rotten eggs now. And I have no idea how I'm going to school tomorrow. Wear shades? Hmm....Yar right, then get suspended. Because the school might think I'm some vampire wild on the loose! Hahs! crap. =D

10:05 PM