To you it might have just been a movie. And you probably don't understand why I'm so uptight and affected over you forgetting a mere movie.
But it wasn't just a movie to me.
For once after a long while, we're doing something other than coffee besides jb.
For once after a long while, I thought I'd finally get to spend a day off with you.
But I was uselessly excited.
And this is not the first time you've done this to me.
I thought things would have changed since the last time we talked.
Is it because I'm always accessible? Always readily available? That it's okay to forget? That it's okay to not meet me as much now? That it's okay to disappoint me? That I'm only eligible as a coffee buddy now?
Or have I only been just that all along?
Forget about supposed walks, pulau ubin, gym or anything else.
I'm obviously asking for too much.

But how do I force you to like spending time with me enough to prioritise me for once?
I wish it was only anger that I'm feeling.

And so I wish it was only you I'm angry with.
Because I can't help but be angry with myself. For not pulling away right after you were married, when my memory of your love and you were still beautiful, and when my friendship felt meaningful and important to someone. For allowing myself to go through so many heartaches and heartbreaks in between then and now. For allowing myself to be demeaned and disappointed time and again. For making me feel like I'm only suffocating and burdening you with my existence more and more with each passing day.

Maybe I've been holding on to nothing for too long.
So you're free now.